Daruuuuu!!!

Daru, daru….(10 times)
Ye daru badi kameeni hai,
Ye daru badi nasheli hai.
Humko kuch na aur kaho,
Ab aadhi botal peeli hai.
Aankein ho gayi hai laal surkh,
Taango ki haalat dheeli hai.
Nasha abhi bhi poora hai,
Par botal ek aur ley li hai.
………………………………………………………..
Koi sukh main daru peeta hai,
Koi dukh main daru peeta hai.
Koi gaate daaru peeta hai,
Koi sote daru peeta hai.
Peene walon ki kami nahi,
Ab aadha India peeta hai.
…………………………………………………………..
Ye daru dost banati hai,
Ye dushmani bhi karwati hai.
Ye daru danga karati hai,
Party main daaru aati hai.
Theke pe milti daaru hai,
Sasi main bikti daaru hai.
Bar main hoti hai jo “serve” daaru,
Wo five star main “welcome drink” ban jaati hai.
Daru, daru…..(10 times)
…………………………………………………………
Asooru ki daaru “madira” hai,
Devo ke liye “ras-paan” hai ye.
Kisiki ke liye “family-member”,
To kisi ki liye “mehmaan” hai ye.
……………………………………………………………
Koi “whiskey-whiskey” karta hai,
Koi “old-monk” ka dum bharta hai.
Koi leta sirf vodka hai,
Koi “kuch-bhi-nahi” chodta hai.
…………………………………………………………
Diwali ho ya ho holi,
Banti hai “piyakdo” ki toli.
Yehi Daru ki pehchan hai,
Har peene wala “MAHAAN” hai.

Ads ka gyaan!!

“Pepsi” ka dil maange more,
“Nirma” se kapde clean hai,
Hakk se mango “Priyagold” biscuit,
Saath main “Haldiram” namkeen hai.

“Aah-se-Aaaha-tak” Moov hai,
“Babool” se paise vasool hai.
“Maruti” true value hai to,
“Navratan” tail, cool hai.

“Nokia” se sab connected yaha,
“Dettol” se hygiene hai.
“MDH” ke masale hai,
Aur “Levi’s” ki jeans hai.

“Colgate” ke andar namak hai,
“Orra” ke diamond main chamak hai.
“Cadbury” choco-treat hai,
Ab “Maggi” main bhi wheat hai.

Daastan Daaru Ki….

Daastan daaru ki, ab tumko kya sunaye,
Bigada hua hai system, kaise tumhe samjhaye.
Na mile jo daaru,
To sir mera bokhalaye
Pike addha-pauwa,
Ab chain mujhko na aaye.
Fakna aadat hai, faak liya hai jaata,
Pike poori botal, main bhool sab kuch hu jaata.
Daaru ki daastan main,
Nasha avval number hai.
Rum ki li hai botal,
Vodka ka quarter hai.
Pee ke khamba whiskey,
Banda hu main poora risky.
Peeke glassful wine,
Drinking-driving ka lagta hai fine.
Theke par badhti bheed ka,
Andazaa tum na lagao.
Leke glass hath main,
Saath khade ho jao.
Peeta hai boodha,
Peeta hai baccha.
Ab cheetah bhi hai peeta.
Daaru ki daastan main, na Quran chale na Geeta.
Feni piyo, ya piyo gin,
Peg banage opposite to thin,
Smile like hell, just remove that grin,
A peg can be made, on dimensions of a pin.
Sharaab ka kuan, khodenge hum to..
Pee rahe hai,
Aur peeyenge hum to.
Rapchundus, jhakaas, daaru-a-jeevan.

My Quotes

Take Tension, After Pension!! (Pension = 80 yrs)
A laughter can never get you killed!!
If you don’t want to cook the cock, then suck the “cock”.
VAGINA – Valued Awesome Girl with Naked Ass.
BOOBS – Buddha Owes Ounces Before Sex.
When you do what you want, you show others what they can’t.
Undressing a girl is art, but after that…biology is history.
Use Condoms before you die!!!
Rapes are ok..if done with consent and after marriage!!
Who-so-ever says that “Marijuana” is a drug….need to get a mental treatment done.
Drinking is healthy, when destruction is the profession.
Sleeping is a boon that “Hard-workers” are cursed with.
Money can buy everything, except you!!
Don’t be afraid of “GOD”, or you’ll be left with no one to dare with!!
Love and respect yourself…and rest achieved!

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©All rights reserved.

Bollywood ki Duniya

Iss “Bollywood” ki duniya main,
Kyat tera hai, kya mera hai.
Yahan jo dikhta bilkul seedha hai,
Wo hota utna tedha hai.

Yaha goli se na marta, hero hai,
Yaha chalta “Size-zero” hai,
Yaha “music” be bedhanga hai,
Consumer bhi to “aandha” hai.

Yaha “story-line” ka kaam nahi,
Chalta “jugaadi” funda hai.
Theatre ke “asli” artist ka,
Yaha maamla zara “thanda” hai.

Scandal aur sex ki hai bharmaar yahan,
Yahan “item-song” bhi chalta hai.
Gaane chah-he jaise bhi ho,
Movie main, koi-kahin-bhi dalta hai.

Ab “Gabbar” jaise villain kaha,
“Babban” ka sikka chalta hai.
“Dum maro Dum” bas kehte hai,
Scene main, cigarette ka dhuan udta hai.

Camera ke “angle” ka pata nahi,
Yaha “scenic-beauty” chalta hai.
Rone ka ho jo scene film main,
To picche, “Laughing Buddha” dikhta hai.

Yaha koi “Hiran” ko khaata hai,
To koi “Maid”ke saath so jaata hai.
Yaha pe 1993 ke dhamako ka,
Mujrim bhi sabka “Munna” ban jaata hai.

Yaha confusion ka “fuse” nahi hai,
Talent ki koi voice nahi hai.
Dekhna hai to yeh hi dekho yahan,
Varna koi choice nahi hai.

Don’t you feel that “TODAY” is not “ANY DAY”

It happens rarely, however it happens. Someday you get up in the morning; boosting with energy, confidence, and enthusiasm. Everything falls in place, completely in the way, they are supposed to. This is the day when you are happy as soon as you get rid of the bed and your cozy blankets. You feel like dancing, shouting, chatter-boxing, listening loud music, etc. etc etc.
So what I feel that we should capture all the positives of that single day and try to implement those things in our daily life. It’s good to live life happily (without frustrations and tensions), because at the end of the day whatever we do should make our self and people around us happy and just happy as hell.
So to all you “happy-go-lucky”, only desirous, sophisticated, self-proclaimed urban and fucking retard readers! Why do you think that you should make people around you happy, to be happy yourself??
Open up your underutilized mouth and garbage bin ears and listen up…live the life on your own terms, be your own boss, do whatever keeps you happy, respect yourself first and start fucking childish-like attitude, graveyard-ridden people away from you and hit between their legs, if they try to come closer.
Now do you think that “That “TODAY” is not “ANY DAY”; if not; shove up your a**es or I should pleasurably do the needful!!!

“Sustain The Unsustainable”

The ugliest of the ugly is about to over, starting would be cruelty and mayhem added with the billions of drops of “Blood”. I pray demons of the unfolded galaxies and have already met the officials of still to-be-found-out haunted and gory orbits.
Cool, now let me come to certain more problematic issues our country is dealing at the moment. What? You know. Then “What the f**k you have done for it?” Just—sitting in family rooms with “larger-than-life” LCDs (yes TVs are old-fashioned) and enjoying your tea/cakes/pastas/pizzas…..what else could be on the menu, even god doesn’t knows. So you can talk endlessly on topics including but not restricted to Maoism, Naxalism, Terrorism, Price Rise, Population, Death Rate, Infant Mortality Rate, Corruption, Casteism, Regionalism, etc..etc..etc..
Policemen taking bribe, media going frenzy, politicians suffering from Alzheimer, killing of innocent people, money laundering, honour killing, if things like these mixes caustic soda into your blood vessels, acidize your saliva and freaks out your eye lashes than it is “The Time”. Sufferers are those who want to, who not are predators. It’s your own wish on which side you want to be. Radical is new periodical and youth are the New Testament.

Benefits of “SMOKING”

I dedicate this article to all the smokers, who
smoke, smoke and smoke a lot!
1.) Your mouth will always carry a “cool” smell; it helps in keeping away the people, who are not “blessed” to stand with us.
2.) You can take frequent “Coffee Breaks” in your office without even getting questioned? See, I told you, smokers get an extra respect at every occasion.
3.) In winters, smoking increases the chances of you being out-of-home till late nights. (Secret – Smoking keeps you warm from inside).
4.) Regular smoking causes blocked throat (filled with thick bulgum); while speaking it acts a halt, this gives “smokers” a little extra time than others to think.
5.) Sitting in a jungle or on a wildlife safari. Smokers are at a lower risk of catching malaria; because the smoke acts as a mosquito repellant.
6.) Burnt clothes and clothes with “holes from fire” are two best assets that every smoker possesses. It gives a chance to buy new clothes and if not new, than its fashion revolution.
7.) Long time smoking can make you “impotent”. This will help in the adoption of “unclaimed” children and also you can forego the hard work to manufacture your own.
8.) Smokers’ never have “Acidity issues”. A smoke after eating food helps in better digestion.
9.) There are many people who sell cigarettes to earn living for their families (it’s easy and profitable, because smokers’ are everywhere). So indirectly smokers’ support under-privileged people.

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING!!!

Mera Bharat Mahaan…

Bharat main Bhrshtachaar,
Ya bhrshtachaar main Bharat hai.
Yeh kuch logo ki lagai bimari nahi,
Isme kaafi bharatiyon ki shararat hai.

Neta, police aur sarkari karamchariyon ne,
Kar diya desh apang hai,
Khake karodo, arbo rupah,
Baithe kursiyon pe, dabangg hai.

Kahi 2G ka ghotala hai,
Kahi CWG ki loot hai.
Jo loote, so loote,
Sabko bhaari chhoot hai.

Laal batti todne par,
Sirf 100 rupeh hi lagte hai.
Murder karne wale bhi,
Yaha parliament main dikhte hai.

Is desh main bhagwaan nahi,
Baba bhi pooje jaate hai.
Patthar pe chadta hai doodh yaha,
Par gareeb bhooke hi so jate hai.

Desh ke yuvaoon par,
Chada “Facebook” “Orkut ka bukhar hai.
Naukriyon ki kaami nahi hai,
Fir bhi berozgaari ka dum barkarar hai.

Khoon, balaatkar, chori…
Yaha ke bas yehi samachar hai,
Samajik karyakarta yaha jail main hai,
Apraadhi saare farar hai.

Karodon devi-devtaon ke iss desh main,
Yeshu aur allah abhi bhi mehman hai.
Naam ke he log bhakt hai,
Andar se “ek-se-badh-kar-ek” shaitaan hai.

Aaj bhi pracheenta iss desh ki,
Sabse badi pehchaan hai.
Chahe lakh buraiyan ho is desh mai,
Fir bhi “Mera Bharat Mahaan Hai!!”.

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©All rights reserved.

A Super-Bug Called “Facebook”

Yes we all know what I am talking about. However there are chances that you don’t feel the same as I do. I am calling it a “Superbug” because it has taken ongoing generations by storm. Millions and millions of people are getting affected by it every day. Doctors and researchers are still figuring out the ways to start the production of vaccinations and medicines that would be needed by persons who have severely suffered the radiation of this “Superbug”.
There was a time when there was no Internet and now there is a time when there is no life without it. Even Sir Tim Berners Lee, Inventor of the World Wide Web had not realized in his dreams that what he has created would become a “Matrix” that will engulf our seven continents and five oceans. People go online, stay online and remain online. This routine is followed religiously and rigorously by each and every “fast-track” individual in today’s scenario.
So I was talking about the “Super-bug”, it has surely revolutionized the sharing and collaboration formats. But I think it’s overdone; is it really necessary for us to let everyone know what we are wearing, drinking, eating or where we are travelling or what we believe in, etc. every second, minute…!! “Facebook” has sooner became a giant like “Bible-Veda-Quran” in almost half the world, if you don’t preach it; then you are out-casted or overdriven by others.
I do not doubt the credentials of Mark Zuckenberg, founder of the “Facebook” for his brilliance in creating this amazing format. But even Alfred Nobel was happy after the invention of “Atom Bomb”, however he realized it’s repercussions after World War-II.
According to a survey millions of users spend their 30 percent of a day’s time on “Facebook”. So where is this time coming from, because earlier there was no “Facebook” still in that time people used to do different things. But these days due to the “side-effects” of this “superbug”, people had started to do same and repetitive things differently. So truly the essence of a new day is lost as soon a person logs onto “Facebook”, because than they are back to square-one.
So beware of “larger-than-a-nuclear-bomb” SUPERBUG, or else it can lead you to situations that can cause you many life-threatening diseases, such as:-
• Overflow of Information – Brain Hemorrhage
• Sitting & Glued to “Facebook” – Spondalytis
• Checking out old mates – Past-o-phobia
These are just some of them. “Best-of-luck” for the future!! The more you’ll stay offline, the more you’ll live inline.

Alcoholism…..Heavy Drinking…..Blackouts!!!

Cheers to all “HEAVIEST” drinkers. Lousy mornings, drowning heads, diminishing memories, urges to know “WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT”, and complete “Blackouts”. Yes dear, it had also happened to you. Welcome to the effects of heavy and binge drinking. I proudly own the fact that it has also happened to me or my case is still “sub judice”.
The only thing that I regret in all this is that I don’t even have a glimpse or slightest of slightest memory of the most scariest, un-societal, rude, maddening, etc. things done by me. Don’t know that all these things are bad or worse. But believe me it happens with all the drinkers at some point of time.
Advice once read by me…. If you are blacking out from drinking too much alcohol then it means that your tolerance to alcohol is all messed up. Technically you should pass out and appear to be sleeping long before you get to the point of blacking out. If you are blacking out on a regular basis then it means your drinking has gotten way out of hand, and you need to do something about it. If this is the case then you might want to consider treatment or rehab of some sort.
Here I don’t buy this!! There is a social circle we all live in…to maintain our so called “status” we move away from reality and present a picture that is not ours. Blacking out is a position where you do things that are buried and drowned low below your sub-conscious brains. “blackouts” unearth those feelings and desires. So it helps others to get a clear picture of you…(restrain from the fact whether it is good or bad).
Alcoholism is bad (people say that). I will say that till the point you are not harming anyone it’s a minor health concern. Isn’t it amazing that you don’t remember things that you do..but still these things leaves an impact…so my dearest “drinkers”…drink as much you can…don’t harm others….live and let live…heavy drinking is just a phase that will pass out, so enjoy it till the time you are into it…Cheers!!!

Laws of “Corporate Culture”

Have you ever in your life, worked in a so called “Corporate Setup”? Do you also rate “Professionalism”, “Meetings”, and “Organisational Behaviour” as the most overheard words?
If the answer for both the questions is yes, then I believe you want to carry on reading. There are some unstated, unasked and well-known “Laws of Corporate”. I have tried to pen down many of them that I pleasurably happened to tracked and trapped in my stint as a “Professional”.
The journey starts:-
• Reach office on time, even if you are then not available at your workstation for the subsequent hour. But be on time!
• You have to be dressed complete formally, irrespective of the fact how formal your approach is!
• Keep bugging your direct lead and manager; they should know that you are busy, even if you are having “NO WORK”!
• If you have internal office communicator, then the best policy is to be on “Busy” or “Do not disturb”, it shows how much occupied you are!
• If you are the kind of person who gets up at regular intervals, then always roam with a paper in the hand or much easier is to keep a confused look on your face. It helps greatly!
• If you are the one and only “glitch maker”, then ensure that you keep your peers updated on the falsehood of “amount of work”, or they will start questioning about the regular meetings with the Manager!
• “No work” and everyone knows that; take initiatives, let everyone know that you have taken it, make sure it’s up and running, yielding results, however it should not end before the works comes in!
• Restrain from back bitching, it’s ok if done on and with individuals!
• Any “good work” done, even mistakenly or unknowingly; report it, file it and share it with everyone who can have a say at bonuses and appraisals.
• Had to go on a leave, make sure that the “reason for leave” is serious at large maximally!
• Give due respect to everyone, even if they don’t command or need it!
• Last but not the least, attend as many meetings as you can (calendar should be booked heavily); really man, it shows how busy employee you are!
I know I could have missed many, but this is what I have attained. Feel free to comment any more. I will be highly obliged.
Disclaimer: - This is a work of fiction and creativity, anything written here is not subject to any thing – living or dead already!!!

Indian Hell

Indian Hell:
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad >that>>the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."